Mega-Zine: Unseen Footage and Alternative Takes

Well, we've all been whingeing about WLW hacking up 'Zine letters like a cash-strapped butcher as of late, so I figured an alternative:

Stick your original version of the letter here.

We'll keep this corner about to allow people to show the world those letters that didn't quite make the final cut. I'll stick some ground rules now, as I'm bossy.

Conditions:
Non-printed letters
[list][*]Please only post letters you sent that you thought were quite good. Ones that didn't make the final cut for reasons you cannot understand: ones you are proud of. That sort of thing
[*]You must have genuinely sent the letter to Mega-Zine, and allowed the eight-day rule to have elapsed before sticking it up on here, if it's a recent send.
[*]If it's an old one that you've still got knocking about for some reason, stick that up, too.
[/list]

Butchered letters
[list][*]Show us the original, the way you wanted it formatted.
[*]If it was just a sentence at the end that got lopped off, I would suggest not to bother; it was probably just too long or something.
[*]If it was edited in order to make it less offensive/rude/vulgar, put it up here. Bit of filth is good for the immune system.[/list]


Alternatively [email=mega_zine@hotmail.com]flood the Alternative Mega-Zine[/email], and cut out the middle-manthread completely


Now let rip.

Stickies done- means it doesn't go in the middle of things either

lol lots.

and that kind of letter can't get on zine because...?

i'm about once a fortnight lately. cept when i send two at once.

He added thw word 'meh' into my letter the other day. Weirdo.

Quote: Anais_

I wonder why this one didn't get printed

Riled!
Emma, you cannot be a "lil' angel" because previously, and I quote, you wrote in saying I am NOT a lil' angel, so for a starter, stick to one story.
Also, I make that your 3rd, maybe fourth letter WITHOUT a mention of Charile, Adam or any of your other mundane crushes.
Furthermore, I think you'll find spiders and slugs have as much right as you to stay alive. Wait, spiders are useful, they catch flies.

Yeah, being a b*tch. But hey.

Ah it's mean but....

Two letters I sent in but look as if they won't turn up...

So, what's wrong with mentioning schizophrenia, WLW? Both of me say it's fine.

And,

Halloween.

I know this is a bit late, but ah, Halloween. The only time of the year when people can give strange small children sweets without getting lynched by Daily Mail readers.

A few children came round my door, actually. One was dressed as a witch, and so naturally I told her to wait till I got the matches so I could burn her, because that's what we do to witches.

I was joking, of course. I didn't have any matches.

I sent two letters but they were not printed at-all.

Sprinkles the WonderCat.

Bethany: Hi, sprinkles.
Sprinkles: Meow!
Horrible Dan: Give meall your money!
Betahny: Oh my goodness! Sprinkles, do something!
*Sprinkles kills Horrible Dan*
Bethany: Yay! Thank you, sprinkles! Oh gosh...I should bury the body.


JellyBaby CreditCards.

I think lots of banks should make jellybaby credit cards. It would be so cool, i think, because regular credit cards are really creepy and boring.
They could have, like, jellybabies-back instead of regular cash-back, and also special jelly babies rewards if you spend lots of money.
It would be really cool and yummy!


I am sorry they are really silly.

Familyness with 'Zine Folk

McLilac Leopard blows on her bagpipes,
whilst Farmer Jack and Topper watch those notes go floating across the Waves.
A.N.B.Y.-Ness appears at once, and grabs a note or two for lunch,
And the whole of the Family Ness is not too far behind
JM-Ness leaps over him,
Turns up-side-down and dives back in,
And the beautiful PJ Princess-Ness shows she's the kissing kind!
A.N.B.Y-Ness comes up for air,
And taking notes without a care,
He turns, with a crash, and a bash and and a splash,
To the Family Ness...

Junior Minister

Claire and i just can't stop talking about this programme

Anyway...


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fightfightfightfightfightfightfightfight

Quote: Aberdeen_George_

Yes.

I don't believe that anyone could oppose me in this; Alan Partridge just is not funny at all.



Oh yeah,

I can and will oppose you, Alan Partridge is funny. In my opinion of course, it's not like I'm stating it as fact...
Different strokes...

I sent a letter but it was not printed.

"Oh my goodness! - It is really horrible Blood-Orange Kit Kats are made with real...oranges."

Does it make sense?

It is pretty silly.

The non-mangled letter of the day is... (cut part in bold)

A Zine version of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? I look at things like Zine to get away from dross like that. Although, I'm not sure why I look at Zine to get away from dross any more. Isn't that right, Emma-the-Lil'-Angel?

Anyway, I'd rather run through a glass-shard covered dog pound barefoot wearing only sausages than see that idea come to fruition.

Freshly Squeezed Cynic.

First things first, Alan Partridge is hilarious

DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!

I dont think he can hear me...

DAN! DAN!



Secondly, WLW never seems to print any of my letters that are called "Interviews with dead people". heres an example:


Interviews with dead people

Me: So, Harry potter, welcome to the show!
Harry Potter: Why did you invite me here? I'm not dead, i'm just imaginary
Me: Oh, well what about the blue llama?
Harry Potter: He's my hairdresser

Christmas Story.

Dr Evil: I am going to destroy the world now. Ho ho ho !
Henchman: what is wrong with your laugh?
Dr Evil: I was hit with a random-laugh-swapping ray.
Henchman: Oh my goodness! Are you ok?
*Meanwhile..*
Father Christams: Hi, little Esme. - What things do you really want for christmas? MwahahahahaAAHhahaha!
Esme: Aaaaah! (screams).

It is really muddled and silly.