Singledom

I've never heard the Emma Watson story either, although I've heard he was on Noel's House Party at least thirty times.

Quote: Super Nintendo Chalmers, Jun 2010

Quote: LoonyPandora, Jun 2010

Emma Watson Story:

I was in a rather cool little jazzy nightclub place, and I'm up on this little balcony thing. As you do with balconies, I was idly watching the world go by, when a dude with a massive leopard on his shoulders walks past. I look the person sat on the little sofa thing I'm stood next to, as she was looking in that general direction, and I ask if she saw what I just saw. She drunkenly replies in the affirmative, and I think to myself "hmm, she looks a bit like Emma Watson".

So we get talking, the sofa she's sat on was facing away from me so she was turned around away from the rest of her group, and I sat on a stool from the next table along. We are chatting and lightly flirting for a good 20 minutes or so, during which time I realise that it is indeed Emma Watson, and that she is extremely drunk. After a while she tells me that she's off for a fag, and I should come. I tell her that I don't smoke. She says to come anyway and just hang out. I again decline her offer. She asks if I'm sure, I say yes, and she tries in vain to chink glasses with me, before saying it was nice meeting me, and then stumbling outside, accompanied by her rather tough looking "friend" never to be seen again by me.

Fin.

And that everyone is a text book self c*ck block

You, sir, are and idiot.

Although I've done similar. But not with Emma Watson mind, jesus.

Hermione from Harry Potter. Though she looks like this these days.

Quote: the doc, Jun 2010

Quote: The Underwhelmed One, Jun 2010

I guess I belong back in this thread again!

Work guy, after all the mess of things so far, has decided that he 'doesn't need the emotional hassle' of me wanting to see him.

He's getting to grips with some new antidepressants and they've not been great so far. He just seems to be taking a lot of it out on me. He'll call me stupid, easy, talk in really flattering terms about his ex, say anything that'll upset me. He claims that he does it out of panic that I'm getting too close, but then he feels horribly guilty afterwards and is really nice to me, which is just more confusing.

He tells me he doesn't want to see me, but asks me to have lunch with him ever day in work. He tells me that he doesn't want to think of me sexually at all, but will go for a grope whenever he gets the chance. He tells me that he wants me to start seeing someone else, but gets really angry if I'm going out or talking to anyone male. Even if I get a text (which God knows, I can't control for!)

I don't know how much of this is really him though, and how much of it is the Citalopram or the depression itself.

At times he can seem the most amazing person in the world

I just don't know what to do. I want to wait this out but I don't know how long it will take and if I can take it while I do

He's a total mess and I just want to be there for him. At the moment he keeps telling me that he has no feelings for me (or even about anything at all) and that all he wants from me is sex.
He's also told me that if he Does start telling me he cares about me, he'll probably just be trying to get me into bed... so at least he's honest.

I know that selfishly, the easiest thing would be to leave him to deal with this on his own but:
a) I feel like the main reason he broke up with his ex girlfriend and best friend of 5 years, though he says it wasn't just down to me and would have happened anyway.
b) I work with him, everyone in the office knows about our fledgling coupledom and I don't want to be 'that heartless b*tch'
c) I would feel like a heartless b*tch
d) When he's having a good day, he is pretty much perfection
e) I am utterly in lust/totally infatuated/want him badly. Possible even use of the l word (though it's barely been 4 months so I know that could just be the infatuation). It wouldn't be fair to try and substitute in anyone else.

So yeah, half in, half out of the thread.

Why can't I ever fall for someone normal, who likes me the way I am and who doesn't cause this amount of anguish?

Sounds like another w*nker to me dude. Just a depressed one

i agree with the husband. And if anyone's a heartless b*tch, it's him.

Quote: The Underwhelmed One, Jun 2010

Why can't I ever fall for someone normal, who likes me the way I am and who doesn't cause this amount of anguish?

'Cause you always seem to go for the same guys

As I've said many, many, many times before, I hope you get a good one soon!

Quote: Lady Heather, Jun 2010

Quote: Abacus, Jun 2010

The whole thing's f*cked. Alice, when you said to me that you don't know how anyone ever gets with anyone I think you were spot on.

I'm not gonna bother arranging second dates with the two girls I went out with last week, even though one patricularly has been hinting. I saw girl at work when I went to meet my mate from work for footy yesterday and I texted her after she went off home to say how nice she looked (compliments between us are so rare) and to see if she wanted to do something on her days off should I lose my job Monday and she said yeah, but we'll see, she'll probably have something on or something when it comes to it.

What you could try is make a definite arrangement to go out.

Instead of leaving it up to her to make a suggestion of when, you say: "Do you want to have lunch with me on x?" then she can't arrange any other event without looking like a flaker. Then, I suppose, you could have a laugh about your dating exploits, gently, to see if it makes her jealous. (Chances are, it will, even if she doesn't show it!) And then maybe she can make a move on deciding whether she wants to be exclusive, or if she wants to leave you in torment some more.

Also, you should probably start looking for a better job. If they treat you like that after 3 years of service, you really do need to go somewhere where you're respected as an employee! (Not that that's easy right now, but hey, ho!)

Good luck!

Thanks, Alice, your words are wise

I think the problem is her frankly. She's emotionally very odd, she told me ages ago that when she likes someone she's almost incapable of letting them know or talking to them about it and I think she actively avoids situations where things might got spoken about or situations where it's more like a conventional date. When we have been out it's always been drinks after work.
I don't know whether talking about the dates would be a good idea, your logic would be sound with any normal person but with her I'm not so sure; I think it may have the opposite effect. Hey ho! I really should be thinking about my job/career prospects right now anyway, this should be secondary!

I expect I'll have an update next week anywho

Quote: Eyes Wide Terrified., Jun 2010

A girl called Amanda asked me for a date on tuesday. It is really surprising, I think! I was not sure what I should say. I has never happened before, ever! I am not sure howcome would want to ask me.

I said no because I really like someone else, already - it would be really dishonest and unfair, I think. I did not want to be really rude and flippant at-all, and also I did not want to upset her at-all.

She is really pretty and sweet, I think, but I just want to be her friend. Please does it make sense at-all? Am I really horrilbe and unfair?

No, you're not being horrible or unfair. i think it's usually best to be truthful with people.

Quote: John Cage Bubblegum, Jun 2010

I don't mean to be flippant, but it'd make an interesting change if I had half of the problems some of you lot do. It's been years since anyone even looked at me in that way and I really do mean years.

It may not always seem apparent Tom, but women ARE looking at you! Not all of them, sure - but definitely some of them! The tricky bits are: keeping sh*t like pessimism and self doubt from instantly dimissing the signals you are getting as something else; having the confidence to make the most of the situation
; and then hoping to f*ck she's both compatible and vaguely sane. Those are the bits I have bother with, at least. But they are looking!

My problem at the moment definitely lies somewhere between having no confidence and very sh*tty luck. And the confidence thing is just as much to do with my crappy position in life, as it physical hang-ups etc..

It's stupid I know, but nowadays, when I'm talking to a woman in a club, who's not only single, but seemingly interested, I'm there secretly obsessing over what kind of salary she might be pulling in, whether she has the kind of family or friends that reject to her dating a guy with the best part of f*ck all, what her expectations are. The upside to that though, not having to worry about being physically repulsive. I've already ruled myself out the running, by that point.

I've managed to brush off the same girl twice now. Not because I'm not interested, but because she earns at least 30k a year, on top of being quite middle-class, stupidly pretty and really nice.

I'm f*cking awesome with girls I'm not interested in, though. Whatever I do there when I'm drunk, I wouldn't mind being able to bottle up that sh*t and sell it. Sat their thinking, we're getting along well, and it's always nice to make more female friends..oh, wait...I seem to have grown an extra tongue. It's horrible when you're drunk and lonely, but have principles. They're usually acting from the same place, too and I'm not really one for having casual sex with girls who feel the need to use sex as a shortcut to the relationship they're desperately craving. It's not fair to f*ck with people's heads like that. But it kind of feels like a p*ss take, because I haven't had an actual 'relationship' with anyone for years, either and I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to meet the right person. I'm certifiable at times and a bit of a pussy when it comes to putting my head on the chopping block, but Tom, it's not because there aren't people interested. Remember that dude, and have a of faith in yourself, because that sh*t right there, that be the truth.

Quote: Super Nintendo Chalmers, Jun 2010

Quote: Eyes Wide Terrified., Jun 2010

Quote: Ariel, Jun 2010

Quote: Eyes Wide Terrified., Jun 2010

A girl called Amanda asked me for a date on tuesday. It is really surprising, I think! I was not sure what I should say. I has never happened before, ever! I am not sure howcome would want to ask me.

I said no because I really like someone else, already - it would be really dishonest and unfair, I think. I did not want to be really rude and flippant at-all, and also I did not want to upset her at-all.

She is really pretty and sweet, I think, but I just want to be her friend. Please does it make sense at-all? Am I really horrilbe and unfair?

How is progress with Mystery Girl? Does she know?

Oh gosh - it is ok, I think. We went to a comedy show in Canterbury with her sister and my friend on sunday - it was really cool and fun. It is really neat to be regular friends and talk about lots of silly things, I think, but I really want to tell her too. I am not sure. I am really worried everything will be really muddled and scatty.

Tell her, now, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

Phil is right. Love is like the yolk of a fried egg. Leave it too long and it gets harder. But, get it on time, and it's great for sticking your sausage into

Tom, I remember seeing your picture on the 'Zine website you and Martin did ages ago and thinking "he's a good looking guy", so I simply don't believe you would be as repulsive to women as you seem to think. If I can get anywhere with reasonably attractive girls then i'm confident you can too...

DJ, the way forward is definitely spilling your guts to her; I don't regret doing it with girl from work for one moment as I did it in a way that to this day I'm really proud of and nothing can be worse than the not knowing, although, cruely, i'm still in that position now despite telling her, but I still don't regret it as at least she knows. Tell a lie, something can be worse than not knowing and that is her knowing and rejecting you, but then even if the worst does happen at least you know and can move on.

Quote: Albert Johanneson, Jun 2010

The most useless piece of advice anyone can give is 'be confident'. Confidence isn't something you can switch on and off - it's a chemical reaction brought along by a series of actions and consequences. Make a start on the actions, and the consequences will come.

I disagree with that. I blag being confident all the time! Although admittedly blagging the confidence leads to actual confidence when sh*t starts going well.

Quote: Albert Johanneson, Jun 2010

I'll maintain that there's a noticeable difference between genuine confidence and blagged confidence.

Acid test, do you think I'm a confident kinda guy?

Then you can tell the difference!

See I don't necessarily agree with 'being yourself' either for the most part. If I'm being myself and it's not doing anything for the situation, I start to look at what I could change not to appeal to opposite sex, but to make myself more fulfilled as a person and see how this comes through. In terms of radiance, I still think it's a case of happy soul = confident soul.