New Things that p**s you off thread.

Here is some belated wrath.

i spoke to my maternal aunt in October. She mentioned one of my maternal cousins. * She said that my cousin said that he saw my father twice and my father ignored him both times. So i said that sometimes i've not seen people because i have bad eyesight and that perhaps that was what happened with my father. i felt like saying i wish you would stop using me to have a go at my father. But i don't always say what i feel like saying.

* He lives in the same town as my father.

One day in March, iwent out in the snow. It was very deep. When iwas crossing the road, a man in a car stopped and honked the horn. Meaning that he was letting me go past. idon't know but iwaited. And he shouted Come on at me. It was my fault buti hate being shouted at.

A few weeks ago, iwas in the city centre and a man was preaching. And people were handing out leaflets.

Also a few weeks ago, my father told me that my paternal aunt has died. i feel sad that she died. Mostly for my father. Because i can't remember the last time i saw her.

On Friday, i went to the city centre and a man was preaching. Not the same man as the one who was preaching a few weeks ago. A different man. And he used a loudspeaker.

We have plenty of churches here. And we have a cathedral. i don't think there's any need for people to preach in the city centre as well.

i spoke to my maternal aunt on Friday. She mentioned that my father had phoned her. And she said that neither of them have heard from my sister for a couple of hours. Then she said It's probably something your father did.

i spoke to my father on Thursday. And he asked me if i'm a Christian. Again. i said that i wasn't sure ifi ever was a Christian. My father said that he didn't think that my mother ever was a Christian. But he tried to make out that it wasn't his idea that i used to go to church. He tried to make out that it was my mother's idea.

My father asked me what my name was and he asked me something about changing my name. Again. He also said that he understood about me changing my name. i don't think that he understands. So i think it's stupid for him to say that he understands it.

It's 1am. You're seriously telling me the recycling needs putting out now? At this hour?

F*ck off. Tell me at 10. Or 11. 11pm is still a reasonable hour, but 1am, nah. It can wait. I've put the boy to bed, I'm in me pit already, it ain't happening.

This will make no sense and I'll likely delete it tomorrow, but maybe typing it out will help it unravel

I'm starting to think that maybe I'm a bit more messed up by something that happened years ago than I originally thought.
Though I don't think it's the event itself that's bugging me now.
I'm fairly set in the mindset that it happened and that's that.

I think what is bothering me more was how I dealt with it and how the people around me did. Or rather person. As I only told one person.
Because it would have screwed a lot of sh*t up telling anyone else.
But anyway.

Sh*t happens. If you go out & get so wrecked that all judgement goes out the window for both of you, sh*t happens. And by the time you have a second of clarity through the booze haze to realise what is going on, it's already done. And you were too frigging blotto to say no anyway.
And approximately 10 years of awkwardness ensues. I say 10 years. I still feel awkward. But I'm actually comfortable enough around this person again now that I can function properly around them.
… Except for a brief moment while driving home from helping them out, where i took a corner too fast in the dark and almost end up skidding his car off the road and in to a farmers field.
But I digress.

When I told the third party person the next day, their attitude was just like "they're good looking, though"
Glossing over a few points there, really weren't we?
I mean… she had a bit more information than I've put here, had also met this person and knew their background.
Main points are that we're very vaguely related, there's a 14 year age gap,I was p*ssed as a fart. (but so were they so judgement could have been off?
A recent brief mention in conversation leads me to believe this may be the case)

Anyway. I told her because the situation wasn't ideal. I wasn't good with the situation, the situation was incredibly uncomfortable and I felt a bit wronged. Taken advantage of. I felt stupid.
and I also needed someone to hold my hand to go the clinic.

Her reaction sits with me as if it was along the lines of:
"oh it's OK because the person concerned was aesthetically pleasant"
I can't remember right now the exact words she said. Probably more like "what's wrong with you, they're alright" (as in alright looking)
Maybe she had a brain fart and didn't quite grasp the side of the situation where I went out for a few beers with this person, and didn't exactly set out to end up being screwed on my living room floor by them, left wondering if I had consented or not (I don't think I would have, but being p*ssed as a fart I would have just likely gone along with the whole thing because I'm dumb like that. But either way, it had happened and couldn't be changed, my own fault, lesson learned)

but it bothers me. If she did grasp the situation and that I was uncomfortable with it all, why would she say that being attractive makes it ok?
It doesn't. It wasn't right.

But eh. like I said, sh*t happens.

Hmm. I'm not sure I really had a point here.
Oh well

Quote: Vel, Mar 2020

Quote: Πανδώρα, Mar 2020

Also, this person was seeing someone at the time.
That really bothers me.


What a knobhead.
And what a knobhead I am.

Yep.

Been there, done that. *Facepalm*

she told someone else i know that she suspected as much too.

and I'm there when they told me thinking like, yeeeah... probably putting it about...

obviously I said nothing.

what could I say without a million questions following?