i feel so... (the fourth)

Quote: Puffalump, Oct 2014

stupid for believing I could have what other people have.
/emoooooooooOoooo

Quote: Maeby, Oct 2014

I exist. I have no other f*cking purpose to life other than to exist. I have accepted that. I have never, ever been able to see a future for myself and frankly, I would prefer at least that someone who actively wanted to live could do that instead of me. I'm not actively trying to die at the moment, but I would not want to be resuscitated if I was hit by a car or similar.

I do not want to be here, and that is not due to some misguided romantic notion of anything. I think resources would be better used not on me. Use them on someone who can *get* something out of life, on someone who will contribute something of worth, not on a pointless person who is effectively a parasite. What is the point?

I don't want help, this is not a plea or anything, just a rant. It's not a new feeling, it has always been there and always will be there.

I feel like both of these, sometimes, I think. Lots of life things feel really easy and obvious for lots of people, and things just happen, but everything is really confusing to me. I do not understand! I get lost and overwhelmed really easily. I feel really lost and out of place in the world. I am not sure where I fit at-all.

I really want to disappear, sometimes, I think, but I do not want to die. I am not sure I can imagine a future at-all. But I can imagine lots of tiny things, sometimes, I think. Everything is lots of contradictions!

I am not sure what the point of life is. I do not have a career or children at-all. It is lots of tiny happy things, I think, maybe? It is exciting new books and movies and meeting my friends and making cakes and cat cafes and lots and lots of tiny amazing things everyday. So many things are amazing and exciting, I think!
It is trying to be kind and nice and hopeful to everyone, maybe? I am not sure! Life is dark and full of terrors, but we can try to make it lighter a tiny bit for eachother, maybe? We can look after eachother.
Lots of people do not contribute, I think - we cannot all contribute amazing art and science and discoveries, but we contribute tiny bits of happiness and hope to eachother, maybe? I am sorry I am really silly and twee!

Everyone makes their own meanings and purpose?

Quote: Claire, Nov 2014

Scared.

And some other unmentionable things.
Weird mix

Quote: the doc, Dec 2014

Hungover to cuntery.

What's new?

Quote: Claire, Feb 2015

Quote: the doc, Feb 2015

Quote: Claire, Feb 2015

Quote: the doc, Jan 2015

Quote: Claire, Jan 2015

Quote: the doc, Jan 2015

Nearly cured, but throroughly knackered just the same. Being ill when you have kids is tough. Taking tomorrow off work anyway, just to make sure

How are things going with mini Doc number two?

Swimmingly, thanks. 35 weeks this Sunday, which is six weeks further along than we were with Luka. Had him home by then, in fact

Due date is 8th March - my due date is 17th Feb, when I'm off to see the Jesus and Mary Chain. As long as it stays put till then, it can come out when it likes

Starting my new job today afte 7 years doing the same one.

Best of luck with that, dude. What's the new job?

Same company just more admin based, it's a step in the right direction stress wise I hope. Thankyou!

Ooh, congrats and good luck!