Notebook Letters 11

Is this allowed?

Just seen Vigilante Maelstrom writing letters to The Void...
That smacks of treason.
WLW, you should put your hoof down and stop this.
I know where my loyalties lie.

daddypoos, Wigan

Hang, draw and quarter! Too harsh?

Zine; 16th of June, 2008; 4/5.

Cedric likes the madness

Cedric is having more fun sinking ships and occasionally doing Gilbert & Sullivan operas, so the usual madness. Still, it appears that Cedric is a misspelling of the name Cerdic so he's wanting a new name, one which is cooler. I persuaded him that neither Jeremy and Gaylord are cool.

Princess psycho

There is only room for one Gaylord at WLW Towers, and that position is taken.

Zine; 16th of June, 2008; 5/5.

Vacuum

Vigilante Maelstrom I just walked into a vacuum cleaner. That sucked.

Don't they all?

Matth Stil Ah, Philosophy Corner. *Hand-on-chest, looks skyward* It's only the truth if you want to believe it.

... or read it on Zine.

Zine; 17th of June, 2008; 1/5.

Write on

daddypoos, that contract WLW made you sign isn't admissable in a court of law. Trust me, you can write to who you want. Honest! If you are having problems with this issue, call the Ziners Anonymous helpline. They helped me *sniff,* they can help you.

mondo ray

There's a name for people who write to just anyone, mondo. I wish I knew what it was.

Zine; 17th of June, 2008; 2/5.

Status report

Princess psycho's place is far better than the Towers. Not only does she bake amazing blueberry muffins with a hint of mint but she has procured something called Choco Pies. I am off to sink some oil tankers to burn off the calories. Now, what about Hannibal The Sea Monster?

Catch you later.

Cedric The Sea Monster

Davord said if you're not back by tea, he's changing the locks.

Zine; 17th of June, 2008; 3/5.

Stick it

She said "You can stick it where the sun doesn't shine!" So we put it in the cupboard under the stairs and said no more about it.

Frumpy Squirrel

Until now.

Zine; 17th of June, 2008; 4/5.

Bert the table

I've got my table, Bert. It's round, black and made of plastic. If I knock it over, it goes "thud". So I can see it, taste it, feel it, hear it and smell it. What puzzles me is why it continues to sit upside down on the sofa.

Mackie O'Velly

Does it have a leg to stand on?

Zine; 17th of June, 2008; 5/5.

WLW is not well

Sorry, folks. WLW phoned in sick today so there'll be no update. (How do you press telephone keypad numbers with hooves?) Hopefully, the long-necked one will be OK tomorrow.

Zine; 18th of June, 2008.

Who cares about the mastering of the new Metallica album? It's unbelievable that this dated guff is selling by the bucketload. Metallica are a spent force. Even their recent performance on Later was laughable. Toasters Galore

I agree with Earls's review of the new Oasis album, that Liam's vocals are more mature but better. It's the same with his interviews, where he's still entertaining, but not like John Lydon, who can't grow up. Taz

The Void; Teletext page 827; 4th of October, 2008; 6/7.

Soundbite: A Smaller Planet Sound

There's no easy way to say this: Planet Sound is about to get smaller from November 3.

We could try conning you and saying it will be a more efficient, streamlined magazine. The truth is, cost-cutting has hit Planet Sound like virtually everywhere.

So, some much-loved aspects of Planet will either vanish or shrink in size. But it's vital to say that a core of Planet Sound will remain.

1/6.

To summarise the changes:

The two news sections will be reduced to one, of seven pages per day. Single reviews on Launchpad go from twice weekly to once-a-week. There will be one feature interview section, not two.

Album/ gig reviews will be eight pages, updated twice a week rather than daily. The demo reviews go and we are no longer running the charts, except for chart stories on Planet Sound News.

2/6.

We're proud of being as comprehensible as possible for reviews. We know that many of you will have come across cats who had their first review on Planet Sound.

We think it's important to review Keyboard Choir next to Keane. By definition, we can't be so thorough. Nor will we able to cover metal as well as we'd started doing.

But, in 16 weekly reviews, we'll cover as broad a range of acts as possible.

3/6.

What needs to be emphasised is that, if a new band of whatever status is worth covering, we will do so.

That goes for both album/ single/ gig reviews, or interview coverage.

Bands like Kaiser Chiefs and Arctic Monkeys had coverage very early on from Planet Sound, and have repaid us by continuing to give us stories and interviews. On a practical basis, we'd be foolish to stop that approach now.

4/6.

Of course, the loss of a demos page is sad after we've seen Maximo Park, Hope of The States, Calvin Harris and The Twilight Sad flourish after reviews.

But if you want to send me demos, I'll continue to try to get through them, review the exceptional ones and pass on other good ones to industry contacts.

Right now, we're trying to get The Incredible Flight of Birdman industry help. That advice need not end.

5/6.

If you're wondering why reviews will be updating less frequently, well, after nine years on Planet Sound, I'm going freelance.

I'll still be editing. And if I didn't think we'd still be better, more varied than other music magazines, I'd quit.

Planet Sound will carry on championing a broad scope of artists. We'll continue to break news stories. We'll still have fascinating interviews. And you can still argue about it all on The Void.

6/6.

Teletext page 825; 15th of October, 2008.

Robin Guthrie/ 3: 19 Reviews by John Earls

The soundtrack to a Spanish film named after a Bible passage, don't assume that Guthrie is settling for obscure esoterica in his old age.

Working superbly as a piece in its own right, it's as evocative as any of his work, by turns subtly sinister and full of awe-struck majesterial beauty.

If it's hard to imagine him scoring Die Hard 5, its gorgeous tunes deserve to met Guthrie a host more film work. 8/10

1/6.

Kaiser Chiefs/ Off With Their Heads

Three albums in, and their love of a good chorus is still intact.

Any thoughts that Mark Ronson was going to make them go dance haven't happened. Instead, pre-album talk that they were having fun again after the lyrically dour Angry Mob have happily come true.

Virtually any of the 11 songs will fit into their already triumphant gigs, from the opening Spanish Metal (richard iii by Supergrass in a strop) onwards.

2/6.

Kaiser Chiefs/ Off With Their Heads

Already a well-established live anthem, You Want History sets the tone for their most funk-driven songs.

These still have the pop templates at heart, but are done with one eye on the indie-disco dancefloor, notably the Adam Ant tribal drums of Always Happens Like That and the insistent Good Days.

It doesn't all work. Sway's rap stymies Half The Truth, a good MC unable to fit with the rock around it.

3/6.

Kaiser Chiefs/ Off With Their Heads

Nor is Addicted To Drugs much more than a throwaway pun, more like a B-Side.

But those misfires shouldn't detract from a band who don't care for critics, as they're having too much of a good time to worry about anything other than "Does it rock? Yes? Hurrah, move on!"

Nick Hodgson is fast becoming a lovely balladeer, see A Girl, and the deeply odd waltz of Tomato shows they're always pop, never predictable.

4/6.

Sugababes/ Catfights And Spotlights 6/10

Mainly working with new producers has mixed success for the girlband who are startlingly, now on their sixth album.

On his tracks, Klas Ahland makes them as futurepop as his other famous production client Robyn, but it's the wonderful Blaxploitation funk of No Can Do that's the unexpected highlight.

Too many ballads, Every Heart Broken is the only belter, but just enough singles here not to disrupt momentum.

5/6.

Bonnie Prince Billy/ Is It The Sea?

After a series of below-par studio albums, Will Oldham regains some momentum with a live album made with Scottish folk band Harem Scarem.

By comparison to the whispered self-parody of late, Oldham's voice is in full throttle, more impassioned than the detached, sardonic lyrics reply.

With superb percussion by Alex Neilson, it reminds you of why Oldham's early albums were so impressive. 7/10

6/6.

Teletext page 824; 15th of October, 2008.

Elephant Man's saddest

Saddest films for me as an adult are still The Elephant Man and Shadowlands. They're well acted. I defy you not to be moved. My biggest weepie used to be ET but I grew out of that one! Michael, Belfast

Vortex: AI still causes us to well.

Vortex; Teletext page 817; 15th of October, 2008; 1/6.

Mirror Mirror

One of the most memorable films I have ever seen involving a mirror, is a relatively obscure late-'80s horror film with a similar theme to new release, Mirrors, called Mirror Mirror.

It tells the story of a goth teenage girl. On arriving at her new house, she finds a similar-looking full-length mirror in her bedroom, which instantly captivates her. Little does she realise, though, it is inhabited by a demon. Paul, Bolton

Vortex; Teletext page 817; 15th of October, 2008; 2/6.

dracula inexact

A remake of dracula would be fine and dandy if just one film-maket stuck to the book. The nearest is the BBC's excellent version starring Louis Jourdan and Frank Finlay (1977), but even that left out important people.

The book is a terrific adventure, but it it is constantly undermined with unnecessary romantic overtones when made into a film. I did enjoy Coppola's Bram Stoker's dracula as a good bit of film-making. Rosie Gilbert, Hants

Vortex; Teletext page 817; 15th of October, 2008; 3/6.

Bizarre audiences

Re: John Paul's letter about audience reaction. Has anyone witnessed bizarre audience behaviour to a film? The most extreme example was when I went to watch Rollerball in 1975. At the end of the film, the crowd on screen were shouting Jonathan, Jonathan.

I looked around the cinema because the seats were shaking and the audience were standing on the seats, shouting Jonathan, Jonathan.

I looked around the cinema because the seats were shaking and the audience were punching the air like at a football match. Dave, Lancs

Vortex; Teletext page 817; 15th of October, 2008; 4/6.

Disappointing DVDs

I just picked up the new Friday The 13th: From Crystal Lake To Manhattan boxset and was wondering why some of the discs claim to feature audio commentaries when they don't? It's also disappointing that this R2 version doesn't feature the bonus disc from the R1 set from a few years ago. Damien, Birmingham

Vortex: Interesting point. Have other viewers noticed that some DVDs are over-sold like this?

Vortex; Teletext page 817; 15th of October, 2008; 5/6.

Peanuts: The Later Years

Charlie Brown: Woh-woh woh woh-woh.
Linus: Woh-woh woh-woh woh woh.
Schroeder: Woh woh-woh-woh.
Lucy: WOW WOH WOH-WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH-WOH.
Sally: I'm glad I'm not an adult yet.

rose Timp

Is it true Snoop got some stray knocked up?

Zine; 20th of June, 2008; 4/5.

Frumpy Squirrel Can giraffes get bird 'flu? I'm getting worried because if giraffes can catch it, what hope do us humble squirrels have?

Depends... are you red or gray?

gothic fairy Can I please have a moment's mute? My dinosaur has just crashed for the last time.

Maybe I should suggest a Love-In week, but that usually invokes the tumbleweeds.

Zine; 23rd of June, 2008; 1/5.

Zine After Hours

When you've finished reading Zine, press the pink button to switch to ITV7 and watch Zine After Hours, where one panel of expert analysts discuss and read your texts about today's Zine! Does anyone really care what they say? Is WLW really gay? Who's getting it on? Worried about mondo ray? Let us know! And if you don't have a pink button, keep pressing your red button for a few months, and it should fade.

Vigilante Maelstrom

Hosted by Fearne Cotton, no doubt.

Zine; 23rd of June, 2008; 2/5.

Lady Marmalade

Forget bringing s*xy back, I'm bringing marmalade back.
In the style of gordon ramsay in his latest programme, directions are as follows: Bread; butter; spread marmalade; DONE.
Any problems, give my mother, Lady Marmalade, a call.

Junior Minister

Who are you and what have you done with Junior Minister?

Zine; 23rd of March, 2008; 3/5.

Care Bear 8-Ball Q&A

Is everything you say to be believed? *you got it*.
Will I ever win the Lottery? *don't think so*.
So I should stay with my job? *try again at bedtime*.
Ok, will I sleep well? *ixnay on athay*.
What? I don't understand. Will I or won't I? *follow your heart*.
That's a stupid answer, isn't it? *ab-so-care-lutely*.
What a waste of time, will this even get printed? *a grumpy no*.
I'm putting it in the bin.
YeahYeahYeah

The Princess psycho one is much better.

Zine; 23rd of June, 2008; 4/5.

It's A Fix

All week, it took those hamsters to fix the ITV text service on the Sky platform. I've had withdrawal symptoms. Bet you didn't miss me, WLW, er, anyone?

The furry one says hamsters are quite nice grilled- glad to know they're good for something.

The Barking Tree

Well, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Teletext can't afford peanuts.

Zine; 23rd of June, 2008; 5/5.

Do little

TheAnimalWhisperer We're all Dolittles because we understand you, WLW.

Now I just wish I could understand you lot.

Llboy The Monkey I want all giraffe hunters banned from Zine due to a threat on the monarchy. oliver cromwell sucks!

Fighting words, they ain't.

Zine; 24th of June, 2008; 1/5.

Make-under

I went to boots for some slap, but the assistant said I needed a "make-under," so they directed me to an electropaters, who administered a face peel using muric acid. My face now feels a bit raw, but at least it got rid of the acne.

Ang-Lee Beach

Wasn't there an interview with Muric Acid on Planet Sound last week?

Zine; 24th of June, 2008; 2/5.

Mega-Nuts

Mega-Zine should be renamed Mega-Nuts. With all thise folk texting to an invisible giraffe that answers back! I'm 100% sure if they all stopped taking their medication (me included) we would all get a free room with rubber wallpaper and rubber knives and forks.

GEORDYDEBBLES

You can't see through me that easily.

Zine; 24th of June, 2008; 3/5.