Saturday Showcase - February 2009.

Please vote for your bestest letter in February.
The closing date for all the votes is 16/3/2009.
Please vote!

1. Bird watching comrades.

Keith Flint: Alright, mate? I'm in the Prodigy. What do you do?
Joseph Stalin: I was Russian premier from 1927 - 1953.
KF: Wow! What brings you down to Essex?
JS: Am looking for, how you say, pretty birds.
KF: Watch out 'cos in Essex (unexpected Yakov Smirnoff-style punchline)
JS: Why for did you say your last few words be in closed brackets?

TheSilent Majority.

Smack my rich up!

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2.Jaywalkin' USK.

I'm the baddest jaywalker in the USK.
Ain't nothing gonna stop me, I've got right of way,
That Officer Wilcox says to watch my step,
"Hey, Wilcox, you foo', that'd damage my rep,"
I yelled it from the fast lane - then I hurt my spine,
But damn, Swindon A&E nurses are fine.
HIT ME!*

Sniggledywingwong (*not with a car)

*Orderly queue forms*

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3. Ooh-eee, Ooh-ah-ah...

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you! I told the witch doctor I was in love with you! And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do!
He said to get my contact lens prescription updated, pop next door to the pharmacy for some antacid suppositories, and to avoid heavy lifting for a few weeks. It worked! I no longer love you. Thank you, private health service!

Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller.

I'll miss this when the 'Zine ends...

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4. Downloading.

There's nothing worse than downloading music to find out that your computer burns it onto CD in the wrong order.
Jon Secada, followed by Journey?
Miley "ooh arr" Cyrus before Razorlight?
Morrissey as the last track?
Heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Junior Minister.

Have iPods been taken off the John Lewis list?

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5. LoonyPandora  I could've been a star! But I didn't have enough mass to sustain a nuclear reaction... Never fear, I'm sure you'll get a meteor role soon.

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We'll be back!

So, the merry band of Ziners is being forced to split, but like all good bands, it'll only be a few years until a comeback tour, with thousands of fans chanting "Straw-ber-ry, Straw-ber-ry" and" "Ma-el-strom, Ma-el-strom" as they await the appearance of the icons of our time. WLW can be our manager and there'll be a tour bus and after-show parties and groupies. Or, we could just go quietly. Either way's good.

Insane Jam Sow.

I'll have to do Dancing On Ice first.


*Please vote!

don't look at me, I didnt write it

I voted for The Silent Majority. My letter was pants, let's be honest

Oh shi-
I only just realised what JM stood for. I AM a retard. Sniggledywingwong. Mentioned Swindon and I liked the Hit me* not with a car bit.

'Ite, blud! Brrp!
Da sickest letters in February were "Jaywalking USK" by Sniggledywingwong 'n' "Bird Watching Comrades" by Da Silent Majority.
Dey haz got 4 votes straight outta 14.
It is well weapon! Fresh! F*ckiiiin!

Jaywalkin' USK.

I'm the baddest jaywalker in the USK.
Ain't nothing gonna stop me, I've got right of way,
That Officer Wilcox says to watch my step,
"Hey, Wilcox, you foo', that'd damage my rep,"
I yelled it from the fast lane - then I hurt my spine,
But damn, Swindon A&E nurses are fine.
HIT ME!*

Sniggledywingwong (*not with a car).

*Orderly queue forms*.


Bird watching comrades.

Keith Flint: Alright, mate? I'm in the Prodigy. What do you do?
Joseph Stalin: I was Russian premier from 1927 - 1953.
KF: Wow! What brings you down to Essex?
JS: Am looking for, how you say, pretty birds.
KF: Watch out 'cos in Essex (unexpected Yakov Smirnoff-style punchline)
JS: Why for did you say your last few words be in closed brackets?

TheSilent Majority.

Smack my rich up!


*Taters!