Last time I was actively posting here, I was smack bang in the grip of active drug addiction. I was unemployed, living in hostels, had my very own social worker and penchant for consuming unhealthy amounts of Speed and cocaine - the comedowns managed with plenty of pot, diazepam and occasionally, heroin. During this time, my self esteem was pretty much non-existent. However, thanks to James and before him, Fi's yahoo group, I now had a small online oasis in which to take refuge when the realities of meat-life became increasingly overwhelming. James provided me a brief rest-bite from the darkness of every day life, and for that I am eternally thankful.
I look back on my time here and cringe at some of the stuff I posted. I allowed the vitriol and bitterness that consumed me at the time to be taken out, undeservedly, on one or two of this forum's members. I would also constantly duck attending any meets due to the lack of self-esteem and confidence, which I have regretted as this forum was, and still is populated by a lot of seemingly decent and interesting people.
On a positive note, some of the funniest and enlightening conversations I have ever had, have been with members of this forum. This place had me crying with laughter on several occasions.
In 2007 my lungs collapsed after being up on a 5 day amphetamine binge and that's the day I decided to admit to myself that I am powerless over my addiction and change my life. I started running everywhere, got super fit and applied to join the forces as an AET. Sadly, at the 11th hour, I failed the medical due to a random GP deciding my history of depression, and previous suicide attempts (despite being 3 years free of treatment), was enough to stop him signing off on the paperwork.
With that out the window, I then started voluntary work for South Somerset Mind and began facilitating a peer support group. I trained as a football coach and then ran a football group under Mind's umbrella, but also open to all the other services in the area, including rethink, turning point, probation, the local CMHT and psychiatric unit. This grew quicker than expected and eventually we entered into the disability league, where we were competing against the disability branches of professional football clubs, such as Bristol city, Exeter, Swindon Town etc.. Some of the players in the league went on to represent Britain in last year's Paralympics.
In 2012 I applied for a proper support worker role down in Poole. I got the job, initially working with high risk offenders - murders, sex offenders etc.. on license from prison. This would mostly be MAPPA 1 offenders, but have worked with MAPPA 3 clients as well, which was as worrying at times as it was interesting.
After a few months I moved to a high support mental health unit, working with services users with complex needs. Most of our clients in this hostel are dual diagnosis. I am actually sat here tonight on a sleepover as I type this.
In the day I now work and live in Bournemouth, as I was moved to these projects specifically to work as part of Bournemouth Council's new homeless strategy. My job is essentially first stage assessment phase, where our residents are straight off the streets and need stabilising and assessing ready to 'hopefully' move on into second phase. There is still some dual diagnosis, but the support needs are predominantly around drink and drug misuse and maintaining a tenancy. With the female services users, a lot of them are active working girls and there is a lot of close work done with safeguarding, social services.
I have recently head hunted by the team leader of the AOT, which would mean working directly for the NHS, but as I have never learnt to drive, this would not be possible without a car.
So this is me, living in Bournemouth having escaped Yeovil. Still going to gigs, last one being Faith no more, Motorhead, Soundgarden and Sabbath at Hyde Park.
Again, it's devastating the circumstances that brought me back here. I wish I didn't duck those meets and took the chance to actually meet James face to face to thank him for creating this small slice of mental stability.. and just for all the laughter and moments this site has brought us over the years. Every time I spoke to James online he was helpful, selfless and funny. His genius as a coder, both baffled and inspired me in equal measure. In my work, I'm surrounded by death, I have lost lots of residents I have worked with over the years, finding a few ODs etc.. and have become quite immune to death. But this one hurt, and as I have never met the guy, says a great deal about the impact he made on all our lives. I hope he is at peace and can find happiness in whatever form that takes on the next leg of this spiritual journey. RIP James. You will be missed.