Users

Yes, they are.

I shall post some examples of user idiocy from work tomorrow, since I shall no doubt experience much of it.

Today one of my lads had a user argue with him because she couldn't open a PDF in word and she was insisting she always could before. When we said she couldn't and never could, she hung up then rang back, again and again until someone different answered and told her to ring IT training.

And another from today.

Email in from user

"I've rebooted and its not working"

Email to user

"Can you please clarify what isn't working?"

Email in from user

"I've just told you, I've rebooted and it is NOT working"

Email deleted.

Quote: scarlet

Will once had a guy he was on the phone to for ages, trying to work out why his computer couldn't read a CD, before the guy finally said "does the CD go in shiny side up or down?"

He was lucky, we regularly get users who don't know where the CD's go at all.

Actually...

A customer of ours some time ago bought an iBook, she then a week or two later brought it back asking for a refund..

Thing is, we couldnt do it.

She had scratched off any signs of the machines serial number and filled each port on the laptop with epoxy glue, she claimed that the nano tubes would escape and steal her information from her brain. When we refused she had a right go about it, said we were in cahoots with the people who make the nano tubes and all kinds of crazy crap.

Seriously. I wish I was making this sh*t up.

this one still astounds me

Nah, 'cos if they did, he'd beat them at it again. You know he would.

Quote: biggaginge

Quote: Squirrell_of_Doom

this one still astounds me

I bet someone has done it faster than Andy...

I don't know about that mate.

Example of mong user.

Received a typically mongish call this morning.

User having problem with Mail.app - not able to open emails, seems to be selecting them rather than opening them when he clicks on them.

My first thought was either 1. Corrupted mailbox or 2. Faulty keyboard.

So, asked the user to rebuild the mailbox, by selecting the mailbox on the left handside, then going to the mailbox menu and selecting rebuild. Took the user a good 10 minutes to find the mailbox menu, with a lot of guidance from me (The menu would be at the top of the screen, in the menu bar when mail is the active application - he had finder as the active app for most of the conversation, despite me telling him to be in Mail.)

Rebuild didn't fix it, so asked if their seems to be problems selecting files, thinking the issue was with a stuck shift key. Was told it was fine.


Did some further troubleshooting, which took f*cking ages, since when I asked the user to select the hard drive (Big f*cking icon in the top right corner of every Mac called Macintosh HD by default) he could never find it.

Eventually decided to reset the guys account up from scratch, so dumped the prefs for mail forcing it to lose the account info - when I came to talk him through this, I found he couldn't type his name into the setup fields. Asked him to change keyboards and he could type again, on a hunch I got him to move the prefs for mail back to where they came from, lo and behold mail worked.

Took me a good 20 minutes to fix something that I had already worked out in the first 10 seconds of the call because the user neglected to give me the information I was asking for!

.. Oh, I thought this thread was going to be a tirade against people who get into relationships for ulterior motives.

Quote: The_Educatedwombat

.. Oh, I thought this thread was going to be a tirade against people who get into relationships for ulterior motives.  

I think it's well within our rights to use it for this.

At the moment, I'm annoyed at the fact that I lent some guy £420 so he'd not be evicted.
He hasn't quite used the 'l' word, but he has used romantic lines such as 'stop making me fall for you, you complete b*tch' and 'I know this just sounds like noise, but I miss you. Is that ok?'

He's also sleeping with other people, was recently accused (falsely though) of rape, and last time I was at his, he was getting none stop phone calls from some woman who he claimed was stalking him, but who seemed just to want her dressing gown back.
Also, I think he's not quite divorced yet.

He does cook rather well though.
And he has adorable cats.


I'm a f*cking idiot aren't I?

Quote: Wierd_Welshgirl

He hasn't quite used the 'l' word, but he has used romantic lines such as 'stop making me fall for you, you complete b*tch' and 'I know this just sounds like noise, but I miss you. Is that ok?'

Those aren't romantic lines. That's bullsh*t cut with just the right amount of longing to get you hooked

Quote: fsc

Quote: Wierd_Welshgirl

He hasn't quite used the 'l' word, but he has used romantic lines such as 'stop making me fall for you, you complete b*tch' and 'I know this just sounds like noise, but I miss you. Is that ok?'

Those aren't romantic lines. That's b*llsh*t cut with just the right amount of longing to get you hooked

Poor Sarah. She knows these things but she just can't help herself

I'd love it if she could get set with a proper nice guy and put all these c*nts to rest

Quote: Wierd_Welshgirl

Quote: The_Educatedwombat

.. Oh, I thought this thread was going to be a tirade against people who get into relationships for ulterior motives.  

I think it's well within our rights to use it for this.

At the moment, I'm annoyed at the fact that I lent some guy £420 so he'd not be evicted.
He hasn't quite used the 'l' word, but he has used romantic lines such as 'stop making me fall for you, you complete b*tch' and 'I know this just sounds like noise, but I miss you. Is that ok?'

He's also sleeping with other people, was recently accused (falsely though) of rape, and last time I was at his, he was getting none stop phone calls from some woman who he claimed was stalking him, but who seemed just to want her dressing gown back.
Also, I think he's not quite divorced yet.

He does cook rather well though.
And he has adorable cats.


I'm a f*cking idiot aren't I?

Good lord, Sarah.

Firstly, you need to start interviewing potential suitors. I don't care if it's Victorian, with the amount of sh*t you seem to attract (no offence, but why do you always get the ones who seem to use you?!), you need a screening process.
I suggest all applicants send their request to date Sarah to either Amy or I and we shall decide whether they are suitable and rich enough for you.

Seriously though, if he's married and also making moves on you, then he= TOTAL D*CKWAD.

Operator: “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

Operator: “What sort of trouble??”

Caller: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

Operator: “Went away?”

Caller: “They disappeared.”

Operator: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

Caller: “Nothing.”

Operator: “Nothing?”

Caller: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

Operator: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

Caller: “How do I tell?”

Operator: “Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?”

Caller: “What’s a sea-prompt?”

Operator: “Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”

Caller: “There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

Operator: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

Caller: “What’s a monitor?”

Operator: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Operator: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”

Caller: “Yes, I think so.”

Operator: “Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Operator: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

Caller: “No.”

Operator: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”

Caller: “Okay, here it is.”

Operator: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”

Caller: “I can’t reach.”

Operator: “OK. Well, can you see if it is?”

Caller: “No.”

Operator: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”

Caller: “Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle, it’s because it’s dark.”

Operator: “Dark?”

Caller: “Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

Operator: “Well, turn on the office light then.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Operator: “No? Why not?”

Caller: “Because there’s a power failure.”

Operator: “A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?”

Caller: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

Operator: “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

Caller: “Really? Is it that bad?”

Operator: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

Caller: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

Operator: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!”


(This story isnt true. He explained calmly that computers need electricity and he probably lost the work that he hadnt saved. This version was sent round in an email and its just funnier)

you know the worst part?

he used to BE a double glazing salesman.

*hangs head in shame*

But! I do realise this, and I'm on the lookout for someone better!
Alice, you may start advertising me in phone boxes.

Ok, (Alice here). Who wants to apply for a hot date with Sarah? £2.00 admin fee and a good restaurant is a must. You must also be a snappy dresser. Furthermore, no sex until the 3rd date to know you are serious.

Photos are necessary.

Quote: Look_Dad_No_Tunes

Ok, (Alice here). Who wants to apply for a hot date with Sarah? £2.00 admin fee and a good restaurant is a must. You must also be a snappy dresser. Furthermore, no sex until the 3rd date to know you are serious.

Photos are necessary.

Third date? Jesus.

People move fast these days.

Me. Sarah gets the meal, the dater gets Sarah. I want something out of it too.

Send me a menu and I'll check. Don't forget her luxury chocolates though.

Best offers apply.

Quote: Squirrell_of_Doom

Quote: biggaginge

2 Quid eh? Do Stock & Piccolino's qualify as good restaurants?  

Piccolino's? A chain restaurant? Pfft.

I likes what I likes. Fellucini's was good as well.

EDIT

Here's the menu for Piccolino's
http://www.piccolinorestaurants.co.uk/pdfs/SEPT08/PICC-MANCHESTER-LIVERPOOL-CHESTER-STOCKTON-HEATH-MAIN-SEPT-08.pdf

Quote: biggaginge

Quote: Squirrell_of_Doom

Quote: biggaginge

2 Quid eh? Do Stock & Piccolino's qualify as good restaurants?

Piccolino's? A chain restaurant? Pfft.

I likes what I likes. Fellucini's was good as well.

EDIT

Here's the menu for Piccolino's
http://www.piccolinorestaurants.co.uk/pdfs/SEPT08/PICC-MANCHESTER-LIVERPOOL-CHESTER-STOCKTON-HEATH-MAIN-SEPT-08.pdf

Nowt wrong with Piccolino's. Especially with that menu. Damn.

Well, I think cocktails should be involved so that a cocktail dress and heels can be worn by the lady, and a suit by the suitor but apart from that, it sounds quite good.

Hmm. Any other contenders or does Phil win Sarah's date*?

*Sarah does get the last say, otherwise she'd end up with the tramp outside my house. He's moderately hot and has a box of clothes with high heels. Earns a good living, too.

Incidentally, i was going to suggest suits and whatever classy evening wear that women are meant to sport as the next food and drink club.