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Patient died

Thread for appalling and terrible jokes where the punchline is a band/solo artist.

Posted In: Music. Reading This Thread:

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 1:51 am

I'm not looking forward to getting home from work today. My laptop broke this morning and I tried everything to fix it; anti-virus, firewalls and even turning it off and on again but nothing worked. In the end all I could do was Rage Against the Machine.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 1:52 am

I've got a friend with asthma...Weezer.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 1:53 am

I was in town the other day and I saw this '70s rocker just spinning around in circles and yelling out gibberish and just generally getting on everyone's nerves...the Daft Punk.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 7:02 am

For dinner today I think I'll have meatloaf.

Yours are better

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Dinglebutt

| 11,949 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 9:27 am

I aim to misbehave

My Crazy friend is Cryin' because he's Jaded in his new job making Amazing bubbly chocolate bars for Nestle. He's an Aerosmith.

Mal: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 9:47 am

My four year old nephew drew a self portrait. It was a Badly Drawn Boy.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 10:58 am

I just brought this new awesome flask but unfortunately it was so expensive I can't afford any ingredients to make anything to put in it.
Luckily I'm a world class professional bowler and there's a tournament coming up that I can probably win with a pretty big cash prize. Guess I'll be Bowling for Soup.

Little Blue Fox.

| 4,256 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 3:09 pm

Hope is important.

I had the bestest Hallowe'en - we made Smashing Pumpkins!

It hurts too much not to try.
I will see you in another life when we are both cats.
Quod perditum est, in venietur.*Facebook.

Dinglebutt

| 11,949 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 3:20 pm

I aim to misbehave

Was supposed to have a blind date last February, but she never showed up. My Bloody Valentine!

Mal: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

Vel

| 23,203 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 3:53 pm

Marry me?

So I got in a fight with a comics enthusiast dressed as Batman:
BAM! I punched him.
CRASH! He punched me!
I picked up a vase and smashed it over his head: T'PAU!
He stopped and looked a me quizzically. "T'Pau?"
"Yeah," I said, "I've got China In My Hands.

(It's a long punchline and song title *so* counts, Mr Vine-Mach-II)

Wife of Amy, Sex Goddess

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 5:12 pm

I was in an arcade the other day and noticed there was a fire. It completely burned down and looked suspiciously like arson. When the police chief arrived to investigate he looked at the owner and said "ELO, ELO, ELO, what's all this then?"

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Πανδώρα

| 15,327 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 5:15 pm

I saw an imitation male gorilla once. He was a Nickelback.

*burp*

Vel

| 23,203 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 5:30 pm

Marry me?

I entered a lookalike competition with my 3 guy friends. My platinum blonde hair was set in 40's-style curls. As I reapplied my red lipstick, the judge came up to me and asked "Gwen Stefani?"
I replied, "No Doubt."

Wife of Amy, Sex Goddess

Tobias Fünke

| 4,730 posts

19^th Aug 2014 at 5:32 pm

I blue myself.

I must insist you stop this tomfoolery. I'm Adam ant.

Analrapist.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 12:34 am

I was having a dream last night while listening to music. It was during REM.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 1:33 am

Guys, you are all doing exceptionally well and I am having so. much. fun.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 4:31 am

Oh, the ruler of England? Yeah, it's the Queen.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 4:49 am

But who ruled England during the time of the Neanderthals? Who were the Queens of the Stone Age?

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 4:55 am

I couldn't find the marmite for my toast this morning, so I had to make do with The Jam.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 5:12 am

Quote: Andrew, Aug 2014

I couldn't find the marmite for my toast this morning, so I had to make do with The Jam.

Had you done something silly in a violent rage of frustration, I imagine a copper would have shown up and said "Weller, Weller, Weller, what's all this then?"

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 7:00 am

A new supermarket opened up near my apartment the other day. I went in to try and buy some spaghetti for a sweet carbonara I'm cooking but they only seemed to be selling illegal firearms and thorny flowers. Everywhere I looked it was just Guns N' Roses.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 7:04 am

Luckily I needed to buy some flowers to give to my married lover to make sure she knows I'm still into her, she's my Paramore.

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 7:05 am

I asked Dr Dre to pick me up some Smarties while he was at the shops. They didn't have any so he got me some Eminem's.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 7:07 am

Quote: Andrew, Aug 2014

I asked Dr Dre to pick me up some Smarties while he was at the shops. They didn't have any so he got me some Eminem's.

I'm not that into sweets personally, I much prefer savoury food, like KoЯn.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 9:02 am

Quote: Carpet Remnant, Aug 2014

Quote: Andrew, Aug 2014
I asked Dr Dre to pick me up some Smarties while he was at the shops. They didn't have any so he got me some Eminem's.

I'm not that into sweets personally, I much prefer savoury food, like KoЯn.

A lot of people like that kinda thing. I'm not so Keane.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 10:07 am

To celebrate rap music's continuing popularity, McDonald's is announcing a special menu celebrating some of raps biggest stars. The menu includes:

McHammer burger
Vanilla iced tea
Eminem mcflurry
Russell cinnamon buns
Chamillionaire's cheesecake
Dappy meal
So solid stew

All at the low price of 50 Cents.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 10:48 am

What about the clash browns?

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 12:48 pm

They gonna be selling the chilli Snoop Dogg?

Dinglebutt

| 11,949 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 2:12 pm

I aim to misbehave

No but the Gloucestershire McDonalds in the Stroud district are going to be the only branch selling the McElmore

Mal: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

Jewbacca

| 6,793 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 5:06 pm

An alternate flavour to the aforementioned will be the Fleetwood Macflurry

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

PsyPo

| 2,175 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 7:17 pm

The original potato.

I once knew a professor who stitched several bits of dead sheep back together and brought it to life. He was called Rammstein.

Follow me on Twitter: @DJKrisopolis
Follow me on Twister: Right Hand Green!

http://thekettlereview.blogspot.co.uk/
http://52876.bandcamp.com/

oatibix

| 36 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 9:00 pm

What do you call an owl famed for its owl sound and a fish famed for its blowiness?

Sh*t Band.

buy oatibix
eat oatibix
have oatibix

oatibix

| 36 posts

20^th Aug 2014 at 9:08 pm

What do you call the combatants of those who receive Mr. T's pity?

The Mr. T's Pity Recipient Combatants Band

buy oatibix
eat oatibix
have oatibix

Little Blue Fox.

| 4,256 posts

21^st Aug 2014 at 11:17 pm

Hope is important.

I get really mad when people ask me to help with chores and housework; I am idlewild!

It hurts too much not to try.
I will see you in another life when we are both cats.
Quod perditum est, in venietur.*Facebook.

Little Blue Fox.

| 4,256 posts

21^st Aug 2014 at 11:18 pm

Hope is important.

Oh, gosh, you have not met! - David, Craig; Craig, David.

It hurts too much not to try.
I will see you in another life when we are both cats.
Quod perditum est, in venietur.*Facebook.

Vel

| 23,203 posts

21^st Aug 2014 at 11:49 pm

Marry me?

Due to high ratings and a shortage of ideas (in addition to financial dire straits), HBO are releasing a spin off of The Wire starring Joe Dolce in a loin cloth. It's called Baltimora.

Ophthalmologists have released a new toy for young, career-minded children. It's called Billy Eye Doll.

Wife of Amy, Sex Goddess

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 10:45 am

I was lost in a desert once. I walked for miles and nearly died of thirst until my luck changed and I found Oasis.

Carpet Remnant

| 11,715 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 11:37 am

I was in a desert once but I don't remember much, it was during the '90s and to be honest the whole thing was a bit of a Blur...

Dinglebutt

| 11,949 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 1:27 pm

I aim to misbehave

My machine which makes necklaces is blocked. There's been a Pearl Jam.

Mal: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

Dinglebutt

| 11,949 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 1:30 pm

I aim to misbehave

A group of prisoners who formed a band have managed to escape from prison using a police helicopter. Police are trying to track the Flight of the Con-Chords

Mal: Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

oatibix

| 36 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 2:30 pm

Who plays music?

The Band.

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eat oatibix
have oatibix

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

22^nd Aug 2014 at 2:49 pm

Who's the most patient man in music?

Tom Waits.

Little Blue Fox.

| 4,256 posts

23^rd Aug 2014 at 12:05 am

Hope is important.

My band is not ready, yet - it is still a Beta Band. :/

It hurts too much not to try.
I will see you in another life when we are both cats.
Quod perditum est, in venietur.*Facebook.

oatibix

| 36 posts

23^rd Aug 2014 at 4:06 pm

Which novelty pianist is afraid of Christmas?

Noel Coward.

buy oatibix
eat oatibix
have oatibix

oatibix

| 36 posts

23^rd Aug 2014 at 4:15 pm

Ian Dury and the Blockheads?

Now there's a band name that adds an insult to 'Ian Dury'.

buy oatibix
eat oatibix
have oatibix

Little Blue Fox.

| 4,256 posts

24^th Aug 2014 at 2:31 pm

Hope is important.

Quote: Andrew, Aug 2014

To celebrate rap music's continuing popularity, McDonald's is announcing a special menu celebrating some of raps biggest stars. The menu includes:

McHammer burger
Vanilla iced tea
Eminem mcflurry
Russell cinnamon buns
Chamillionaire's cheesecake
Dappy meal
So solid stew

All at the low price of 50 Cents.

Hot Chips. :/

It hurts too much not to try.
I will see you in another life when we are both cats.
Quod perditum est, in venietur.*Facebook.

Rayanne Graff

| 76,001 posts

24^th Aug 2014 at 2:35 pm

River Phoenix

Or Regular Fries.

[http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg]

Puffalump

| 22,943 posts

25^th Aug 2014 at 7:42 am

Because cake is happiness

I was in a jewellery shop the other day when some guy ran off with some of the stock, so I ran off after him, the owner shouted "That woman is chasing rubies" .

sorry guys, I'm not so good at this. Loved reading everyone elses though.

Wife of the lovely Alice

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

25^th Aug 2014 at 9:16 am

The Morrissey of these the Marr I wonder if it was a good idea.

Andrew

| 2,639 posts

25^th Aug 2014 at 4:58 pm

I've been having problems with my iPod. The only song it would play is Waterloo Sunset. I've managed to get it to play a few more songs but I'm still trying to get The Kinks out of it.

Πανδώρα: Beefy cheesemas to all, and to all a gravy brie

Rayanne Graff: Happy Easter.

IGH: Just who was The Brigadier

ratammer: squeak

Debs|OWA: o/

IGH: Wibble

Vel: *sigh*

Emma: Hi VR...

Princess Psycho: Hi I am back in the UK so how are everyone been keeping. Has Fluffy had that little accident yet?

Claire: SHOUTBOX OF VRRRRRR

Rayanne Graff: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Lucozade Lover: Happy New Year!

Crinkle-Cut Beatroot: Happy new year <3

Claire: BOXSHOUT

Rayanne Graff: Happy Easter.

Emma: So… Posting a new thread is Fission Mailing… so I’m putting this here.

Emma: I know there aren’t many people looking at this anymore… but I have made the decision to stop paying for the VR hosting and to let the domain lapse.

Emma: I think it will be going offline around the end of May

Emma: It’s been almost 10 years since James passed away… and I feel like it’s time.

Emma: A lot of the regulars can be found on the VR veterans group on Facebook - if you see this and you’re not in there, come join us.

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