Comicyness

This is a 'Zine based comic kinda thing I started and wrote during tea breaks and have sent in. I'm posting the full unedited versions in sequence just in case they get chewed up and spat out on 'Zine. If you dont like 'em, get the f*ck of outta my thread biatch before I pump your a*s................ Full of lead, dear god, I mean pump your a*s full of lead.



No. 1 Purging the Scourge

In the firy lava valley of Zans' vast Kingdom.

Zan: (whips villain vigouresly) Repeat after me! I will not send letters into 'Zine stating that I like Jaffa Cakes, and nothing more.
Jaffa_Gurl: I will not send letters into 'Zine stating that I like Jaffa Cakes, and nothing more.
Zan: From now on I will only send in original amusing material!
Jaffa_Gurl: From now on I will only send in original amusing material!
Zan: Well done.........umm ain't you enjoying this even slightly?
Jaffa_Gurl: God no, what's wrong with you? And why are you filming this?
Zan: Ahem, as a warning to all others who dare force us to endure repeatetive unoriginal drivel.

No. 2 Cosplay Fun

Maks: I'm super! (leaps on Zan)
Zan: Hey what the hell? Did you just jump on my head?
Maks: I'm Mario, it's what I do.
Zan: Since when did he jump on Princess Peach?
Maks: Depends what websites you visit. Why are you dressed as Peach exactly?
Purged_Gurl: Pikachu attack! (throws poke ball at Zan And Maks releasing a “Pikachu”)
Maks: Did you cut a tennis ball in half paint it red and cellotape it back together?
Purged_Gurl: Yep, and not only that, I dressed Zans hamster as a Pikachu.
Maks: Pikachu ain't moving too much, maybe making your pokeball air tight not so good.
Zan: Hey! What the hell have you done to my tennis ball!?
Purged_Gurl: Please don't beat me.
Zan: I'm not gonna beat you, I'm just gonna chain you to a wall until all your muscles atrophy.
Purged_Gurl: Thanks.......wait.....what?

No. 3 Nein Gnade

Jaffa_Gurl: Can I have something to eat? You haven't fed me in 3 days.
Zan: Why? Why ruin 'Zine with J@*& cake nonsense.
Jaffa_Gurl: It was only a casual text to a teletext page for crying out loud. Plus Jaffa cakes have a personal meaning for me.
Zan: How so?
Jaffa_Gurl: When I went to visit my grandpa before he died we use to eat um and play board games, I loved grandpa, he saved my mum from her alcoholism. I suppose since he died Jaffa cakes have been a comfort, they remind me of his kindness.
Zan:............. But you ruined the 'Zine, no food for you!

No. 4 Coprophilia 4

Jaffa_Gurl: You're gonna have to let me go eventualy. This is kidnap, it's illegal the police will track you down.
Zan: This is my kingdom, I and I alone enforce the law.
Jaffa_Gurl: Also I found your copy of Coprophiliacs 4, I managed to smuggle it out to a friend, if I'm not free by tommorrow they'll expose you.
Zan: Schwaa?! Okay you dastard, I'll let you go (unlock chains). Wait a second, I don't have Coprophiliacs 4.......... haha, your plan is foiled.
Jaffa_Gurl: Poop!
Zan: Indeed!

No. 5 Pretentios Man and Jaffa Gurl

Zan: Damn it they edited my letter again!
Jaffa_Gurl: It's only 'Zine whats it matter?
Zan: Writing is my art, you don't go doodle on a Picasso. Well only the once, on a different subject I'm no longer welcome in Spain.
Jaffa_Gurl: That was you! And you have me chained up for “ruining” a poxy teletext page!
Zan: Ewwwww you shouldn't have said that.
Jaffa_Gurl: The readers and WLW are no longer sympethetic towards me are they?
Zan: I doubt it, plus now I'm gonna have to purify your whole village.

Obviously this aint for 'Zine, this is based on my more sinister works but wrapped up in a less sinister layer of kooky. It doesn't work perfectly, but I'm still perfecting this style of writing, comics aren't my strong point.

No. 8  Face Rape

Zan: Whats this?
JG: Well to try and win my freedom, I got you a present. Maks helped.
Zan: Nice, who's in the sack?
Maks: None other than Maria Sharipova. (empties her from sack)
JG: Thought she could sign a new tennis ball for you.
Maria: Please don't hurt...........schlop, schlop, schlop, schlop.
JG: Well I didn't help kidnap her so you could face rape her........
Zan: I have OCD, I have an uncontrolloble urge to face rape people when I first meet them.
Maks: It's true.............................................................................................I was so confused after that fateful day.
JG: Well you've never face raped me.
Zan: Not while you were awake I didn't no.
JG: Oh god no..... you defiled me. (curls into into foetul position and cries, stuck in cycle of shame, fear, anger and helplessness)
Zan: Bet that explains all that white mucus that came out of your nose when you woke up.
JG: Sick f*cking b*st*rd, you had no right. (winces and panics at even the slightest touch)

No 8b Salad Fingers

Salad Fingers: May I inquire as to your rusty spoons?
JG:...............................................................
Zan:.............................................................
JG:...............................................................
Zan:.............................................................
Salad Fingers: schlop, schlop, schlop, schlop.
JG: But he's all green and mouldy!
Zan: Don't judge me! I have an illness.
Salad Fingers: schlop, schlop, schlop, schlop.

Not really original I know, but then it is labeled as B material. So

9b Filler alert! I said Filler alert!

Zidane: Good sir would you please refrain from pulling my shirt.
Materazzi: Why old chum I will not, as I believe you deserve no better. And may I also comment on your receeding headline, it reminds me of the noble crown of Benedictine monk.
Zidane: I would kindly suggest you not push your luck good sir, I find that remark quite a test of my good manner.
Materazzi: I apolagize, I merely jest, I would not wish to offend such a fine exponent of our beautiful sport, you are a true gentleman and a sportsman of such genius that the use of a miriad of superlatives would not come close to doing your brilliance justice.
Zidane: I am honoured by your cander kind sir.
Materazzi: Also your terrorist b*tch mother sucks cocks in hell while the devil f*cks your sister up the a*se.
Zidane: *BAMB WHALLOP CRASH*