Little Blue Fox's poems.

I am sorry they are really silly and pretentious, sometimes.


"Un-titled".

Forget the face,
See just the shadow,
On the tip of your tounge,
On the edge of your sight,
Forever tomorrow.

i really liek the first one...isn ice and simple, it doesn't declare one single point yet to a reader it defines something

smudged but still true,

i liek this line from your other one

Your poems are good
i like them
plain and simple for those of us who cant be bothered to concentrate
straight to the point
very good

"spooky poem".

A cold breeze
whips through the trees
shaking the leaves
that nobody sees
black broken branches
reaching
like bitter witches
teaching
in the darkness soon
of a fractured moon.

I like how the rhyme scheme in "Spooky Poem" accelerates the rhythm of the reading. It's also quite interesting how you use really short lines in different ways.

"True love waits".

-My fickering ghost heart,
dusty attic dreams,
wavering in the night,
under hopeful beams,
faded moonlight writes,
the truth inside my soul,
a fluttering frailty,
growing between our hearts,
happy smiles in the dark,
where my true love starts.

"Untitled".

-Looking through the trees
gently falling leaves
within open eyes
my careful heart sees
tomorrow's hidden dreams.

"Hallowe'en".

-Hopeful ghosts waiting,
at the edge of truth,
blurred against my eyes,
eerie imagiantion bleeds,
smitten by the dark,
smiles in the moon,
naive sigh to sky,
sudden quiet soon,
a whispered memory,
longing wordless to see.

"Raccoon"

Like a thief,
a mask on your face,
little lightning tail,
spiky grey ears,
silent shadow reflects,
so out of place,
smudging the trees and,
blurring the sunlight,
faster than i think,
were you really there.

There's a certain elegance and beauty about the way you write which I really enjoy. Like Hikey and Neen, you also have a unique style which makes a refreshing change from some stuff I've read on her.

A couple of minor suggestions from the last piece, however:

Quote:

-A true heart I feel,
blushing at the stars,

I would try to avoid the passive voice of the first line. For me the passive voice is less powerful than the active voice. For example, "With a pick-axe, he killed her." will never hold the same weight as, "He killed her with a pick-axe.".

At the moment, a true heart is being felt like you. You are the subject of the sentence, put yourself in charge. You want to feel that true heart.

Also, the definate article in the second line seems a bit redundant to me. Plus it would scan better too as;

"I feel a true heart,
blushing at stars."

Just a thought.

Quote:

my fluttering timid hope,
reaching silent alone,

I drop the 'timid' premodifier from line three, pluralise hope and make reaching, reach. i.e

"My fluttering hopes,
reach silent alone."

Again, it's just a thought.

Quote:

Waxing moonlight dreams,
flicker in my soul
a faint sigh
fading to the sky

I really like this.

Quote:

waiting through the night
a new dawn's fragile light.

Seems a bit cliched. Especially 'a new dawn'. Those things aside, I really enjoyed reading it.

Naive twilight smiles,
shy through romantic silence,
under fragile skies.


My romantic dream,

"Holding Hands".

-Waiting timid alone,
my shy heart sighs,
blushing romantic whispers,
under hushed skies,
weeping willow smiles,
tender fragile secrets,
a fading sunset,
blurring into the sky,
a blossoming daydream,
falls into our eyes.

"Houses of Healing".

Looking at the stars,
my shy hopes tremble,
gentle weeping loneliness,
under fragile silence,
mourning twilight whispers,
timid into the dark,
a smitten echo,
flutters in my heart,
a hushed sigh,
blushing to the sky.

"The Dawn Treader".

- Gently falling leaves,
faint into my eyes,
creeping silent alone,
under haunted skies,
a fragile echo,
whispering to the shadows,
shy autumnal shadows,
my blushing heart trembles,
quiet dawning dreams,
bleeding through dark trees.


"The Dawn Treader".

- Falling to the sky,
a timid daydream,
shy autumnal smiles,
crying to my heart,
a fragile echo,
whispering to the shadows,
secret smiten hopes,
my blushing heart trembles,
quiet dawning dreams,
bleeding through dark trees.

I made lots of my haikus into a big poem. I hope it is ok! I am sorry it is cheating a tiny bit.

"Ghosts".

Lost romantic hopes,
sailing on butterfly storms,
fading to the stars.

A timid flitting sigh,
whispering through the trees,
under tender skies.

My fragile heart blushes,
a secret smitten daydream,
bleeding to the night.

Shy smiles in the dark,
reflecting through the silence,
all alone, I hope.

"Yurakaro Cat".

-Looking at the stars,
my flickering timid dreams,
peeking silent alone,
through twisting shadows,
shy flitting smiles,
blushing across my eyes,
secret ghost whispers,
splintered blossoming hopes,
floating fragile songs,
fading to the sky.