Saturday Showcase - July 2006.

Please vote for your bestest letter in July.
The closing date for all the letters is August 20th.
PLease vote! - All the letters are really good, I hope.

1. Crocodiles and death.

Hi, WLW, it's Farmer Jack. I hope you're doing OK in life, and also in death. Death is the end of us all, which is why we must strive to eradicate death.
My theory is we can live on crocodiles, as they are indestructible. I once had a fight with a crocodile, and I lost. I even wore armour- for protection.

Farmer Jack (1986-2006)

When you say "live on them"- do you mean "set up home"? I'm far too tall.

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2. My Mind.

Whilst rummaging through my mind, I stumbled across my subconscious. Egads, I bethought, now I can unlock the secrets of all I think. So I dared to step into its awful chasm, and you know what I discovered? It was full to the brim with Dutch children, crying because they don't have any clogs.

Mancomb Seepgood (at your service)

Good job you didn't stumble into mime- packed to the rafters with old swimming goggles and half-eaten Brie sarnies.

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3. 'ZINE HOW WE LOVE THEE.

Me and my fiance decided to invite a few friends round to have a memorial to 'Zines demise. The question arose: what will we if it really ends? After much debate we came up with the answer, we would simply meet up again to commit mass suicide. Because after all thses years is this not what 'Zine has been about?

Zadanius King of the Jews.

Don't be too hasty, dear Zadanius.

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4. Lovely Zine

Well now. Writing an e-mail to Zine is a trip down memory lane. The sort of trip where you fall over in front of people you're trying to impress, get up- laugh about it- and try to hide the tears of genuine pain. I hope Zine stays alive. You are like my grandfather- I never visit, but I stop by once in a while, to organise your mail and make sure he's still alive.

The Educated Wombat

I'm charmed. Now open my post.

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5. First class

PI: I'm doing a crossword. 'Something you put into envelopes...'
SB: 'Letters?'
PI: Seven.
SB: Letters, you imbecile.
PI: Oh, I get you. L-blank-blank-T-blank-R-blank.
SB: Hmm. No, no idea. I'm going to go eat peanuts.
PI: Tell Peanuts I said hi.

Paddy Irishman and Shamrocking Bogman

Is it "leotard"? I'm off to check the post now...

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6. A bobby dazzler

Deep in the dark demise of night, around 4 am (OK, so it's quite light then), the pollen fairy flies out. Glittering with allergy dust, she coats our nostrils with it, using a tiny brush. She's an ugly little thing with grey hair and orange skin. She looks like David d*ckinson, which is all the more worrying as she's female.

Elden Ray

The Duke's got to earn a living somehow, now he's left Bargain Hunt.

I've got to be loyal to ze boyfriend But he is funny. And the funniest hehe

Sarah xx

Martin's letter, definitely, although Mancomb's was good too.

Wow, I must have missed the day that Martins letter was printed. Gets my vote

I voted for Zandian Zadni Zadanianus Zadanius, King of the Jews.
It's quite surprising it was printed.

The bestest letter in July was "Crocodiles and death" by Farmer Jack.
He got 6 out of 13 votes.
Yay! Well done!
Crocodiles and death.

Hi, WLW, it's Farmer Jack. I hope you're doing OK in life, and also in death. Death is the end of us all, which is why we must strive to eradicate death.
My theory is we can live on crocodiles, as they are indestructible. I once had a fight with a crocodile, and I lost. I even wore armour- for protection.

Farmer Jack (1986-2006).

When you say "live on them"- do you mean "set up home"? I'm far too tall.