Singledom

Posted In: Rants. Reading This Thread:

Topper

| 6,772 posts


17th Nov 2009 at 6:39 pm

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
Hi VR, it's been quite a while since I started a thread and I realise I've been extremely inactive on this site over the past, well, couple of years, I guess and that's in no way related to anybody here, although you are all massive sh*ts, obviously That said, I feel like a bit of a rant/update is in order and although you may not care if you've read this far you'll probably finish now, let's be honest

Some may know I was in a very serious long-term relationship I entered into when I was 18 (my first proper g/f). That ended about 2 months ago and it was about as good a conclusion to a 7 and a half year relationship as one could hope for; basically, as cliched as it sounds, we wanted different things - her living together, marriage and kids (probably in that order) and me, well, not. Not sure exactly why, but that's my problem. She was an amazing girlfriend and the first part of the rant is that why did I not feel like I wanted the next logical step with someone I cared so much for? It bothers me. Secondly, why do I not regret the decision massively, like I half-hoped I would? What the feck is wrong with me? I'm nothing special and had a fit as f*ck girlfriend who adored me, understood me and I'm now alone because I decided I didn't want all the normal stuff people do want with people they care about as much as I did. It also feels worse than anything I could imagine to have destroyed someone who I cared about so much, even if I feel I did it for all the right reasons.

Anyway, those demons will probably come to a head at some point and I'll probably just explode or something but the other part of my rant is about being single, something I've not experienced since before I was technically an adult! I shouldn't moan about it because I've chosen the road myself and now I must walk it, or rather, awkwardly amble up it, probably embarrassing myself at every junction. There's another girl...I must stress she only came into light post-relationship but there is, undeniably another girl. She's another quite ridiculously hot one too, who I have great chemistry with and erm, stuff. It's coming to a head but I don't know if I want it as I feel horrible moving on knowing my ex is still hurting so bad. I realise that I am coming across as a tw*t here "yeah, I had a great girlfriend who I dumped and I'm moaning about it and now I have another attractive girl on the cards and I'm moaning about that too", but my life as always been so simple and stress free and I always ignored things and now my life feels like a somewhat subdued episode of Skins. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I'm out, not sure what, if anything I want in in response to this but hey, good to be back properly and hope I can catch up with some of you lot online a bit more and maybe even meet up at a meet or something, be nice to meet some of you ugly lot in person, so keep me posted about meets!
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Albert Johanneson

| 14,477 posts


17th Nov 2009 at 6:59 pm

Albert Johanneson - Outside-left

Outside-left

 
Alex, when the time is right for you, all that 'normal people' stuff will happen. It might be 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, but the important thing to remember is that you shouldn't (and clearly haven't) rush[ed] in to something to appease someone else - in the long run, that is going to be more beneficial to your happiness.

It seems you and Sarah had reached a fork in the road, and it's a shame that after 7.5 years, you couldn't reach a compromise over things, but at the same time, it sounds like you're remaining friends without all that 'lets be friends' speil, unless I've missed something.

A reason why you don't feel racked with guilt over it might be because it's the right thing to do for you both. If you'd have gone along with the 'normal people' routine, it would have quickly become evident that you didn't want to be there, and that may have been detrimental to your relationship and friendships.

You've made an important decision, stuck by it, and appear to have done your best to minimise the pain to both of you. All I can say to that is good luck, and hope whatever you decide to do bodes well for you.

Rayanne Graff

| 74,268 posts


18th Nov 2009 at 12:10 am

Rayanne Graff - River Phoenix

River Phoenix

 
i don't have any advice either.

But welcome back anyroad, mofo. Even though you never went anywhere.
*[http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg]*

Topper

| 6,772 posts


18th Nov 2009 at 8:05 pm

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
Thanks for the advice and nice words

I was supposed to be going out with new girl after work but it sort of fell through due to a series of unfortunate incidents. I'm disappointed about that.

Lastly, it may go without saying, but no mention of me opening up and my situation on Facebook (those who "have" me) if you please, there are eyes everywhere. Not literally.
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Topper

| 6,772 posts


22nd Nov 2009 at 9:13 am

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
I'm now going to use this thread to give you irregular updates on my single life, which may prove comical due to my innate inability to be charming, cool or any of the other qualities that seem necessary to impress or woo the opposite sex.
As I said in my last post, the "date" with new girl had to be sort of cancelled but went out on our lunch break together on Friday for a pub lunch and topped ourselves up on last break with a quick drink too. Getting along massively well. I'm more comfortable with her than most girls as the basis of our bond seems to be our ability to rip the sh*t out of each other without taking offence (largely because we know we don't mean it).
Going out with her after work one day this week which i'm looking forward to, I just worry about starting something new at this stage, I mean, from her perspective it must be pretty intimidating too; if I was getting along really well with someone who had just got out of a 7.5 year relationship with their only real girlfriend i'd be a bit daunted myself. I've already accidentally called her Sarah once but luckily she was too drunk to remember. Really can't do that again.
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Topper

| 6,772 posts


23rd Nov 2009 at 12:31 am

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
I've obviously thought about it loads, yeah and no I'm not sure, I'm not sure at all but I'm not even sure it'll happen like that anyway, may just be a bit of fun, may be nothing at all. Only one way to find out though and to be fair she's a really, really nice girl who knows the situation.

I've always been the sort of person who over-analyses most of life's decisions and now I've made such a big one I feel as if I've earned the right to just go with the flow a little bit and just see what happens and what life throws at me. As long as I'm honest along the way I think I'll be alright.
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Topper

| 6,772 posts


26th Nov 2009 at 11:59 pm

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
Think I've sh*tted it up with new girl due to my inability to not drink and text.

However, a 19 year-old girl at work has asked me to the cinema Saturday and I sort of accidentally said yes. She's very nice and very attractive but she's 19...Seems wrong in a weird sort of way but it's only a trip to the cinema, I'll cross any certain bridges when and if I come to them...
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Topper

| 6,772 posts


29th Nov 2009 at 4:10 pm

Topper - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
Good advice, Cagster

The "date" was actually rather nice with the 19 year-old although I'm not sure it was a date. How do you define a date? Does someone actually have to mention the word date? We know each other a bit at work, have a chat etc and she asked me to go see the new Twilight film with her. We then got some food and went for a drink...She's single, knows I'm single and kept going on about how cold it was in the cinema (which it wasn't) until I put my arm around her (apparently my coat was insufficent in the fight against the cinema coldness). I didn't do anything else and she also kept holding my arm around town. I know women are complex but am I safe in assuming she may like me there or do I need a written admission first?
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter


 
 
((: hello! i see ur messages! my life is cool! how are you? if ur still here
Claire: I'm OK ta, what brings you to these parts? It's been a long time and I often wondered how you were getting on.
((: i'm back because i'm a youth worker now + there are things on here that could do with being swept under the rug, lmao. especially because i used to be a bit more, er. completely useless at not giving out personal information online.
Claire: Well if it helps there is an option now to hide your posts unless someone is signed in
Claire: And I think new sign ups are off
Claire: In your profile there's an option
((: yeah! i've hit that ty <3 I'm just cleaning out stuff a wee bit anyways like, belt and braces.
((: it did mean having to confront my 12 year old poetry but i survived that with the help of a large glass of wine
the doc: F*cking hell, is that Tabby?!
the doc: Always wondered what happened to you
the doc: Hope life's treating you well after all these years. Them were some f*cked up times we lived through.
the doc: Ah man, it was weeks ago. Ah well. If you drop by again, send us a quick PM and let us know how you're doing. I'd love to hear from you. I'm all grown up with kids and everything. Madness.
Luco El Loco: Greetings and salutations for anyone passing through.
SayNotAWord: Does this thing still work?
SayNotAWord: Oh good - I ended up here at the end of a Mega Zine nostalgia rabbit hole
SayNotAWord: Nice to see there's still life in this glorious old place
SayNotAWord: It's ya boy, Parsley Possum
Luco El Loco: Hello
Emma: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW.
Luco El Loco: Wow I haven't heard that one in a while.

 

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