The Quotation Files

Avatar myself? Why don't you go and f*ck your self?

Maybe I was just miffed because we were sharing a room and she left green dildos everywhere.

I've just bought an all-in-one cow suit for thirty two quid and I'm sat drinking cider in it.

it'd be good to be backstage with Zappa plays Zappa. I'll be in the Caribbean Sea. Either way you get your shorts wet.

Dirty dishes asexually reproduce at an exponential rate.

Oh I'd definitely cast her on my penis.

Me and Daz used to work with a spacker with one eye who chewed really loudly.

Some people's spelling is so f*cking bad it makes me wanna jot down their profile details, pay a visit to their homes, and attack them with a pencil and dictionary.

Scientists in Bolton have discovered the formula for the perfect incestuous relationship

You were sat on the bog for an hour? Jesus. Your a*se and legs must look like a Polo Mint

Dont do it! It's financhal suiside!

That film.....it's so far removed from the real story that....it's essentially a fictional account of a fictional man.

I'd become the thing I hate the most just to get my end away rather than stay single and lonely.

Being with a girl just for sex is like going to a bakery just for cake, but there are lots of yummy sausage rolls and jam tarts everywhere too.

Did you see her tits on Twitter?

The middle classes may be largely pointless, but by god we can write a stroppy letter

It could be because she's ginger and bendy.

Timmy has one hand. Give him a prosthetic one

ONLY ON VR COULD A DISCUSSION ABOUT THE TRAGEDY IN EGYPT RESULT IN A PHOTO OF TIMOTHY OLYPHANT IN UNDER 3 PAGES.

German computers

I'm clearly The Doc. Where's me spliff?

There you are, mofos . Post your dreams.

Think yourselves lucky you don't remember Shane. That little tw*t did my f*cking box in.

you never told me you were gonna pimp my arm out on a website.

Have you visited the giant wooden Vimto bottle in Manchester?