Things that make me laugh but probably no one else would find funny
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Darren is most certainly not my god!
Coincidence! That's why I find you funny too 
I aim to misbehave
Earlier today, I managed to prevent myself from typing something pretty awful. So here it is for your pleasure:
(the topic is a new water tax)
They'll be installing water meters on the stopcocks, or as my grandfather calls them, "slapowps", because he's senile and had a stroke.
My brain goes to some genuinely dark places sometimes
(also just like to point out, my grandfather is neither senile nor did he have a stroke. His mind is actually sharp as a f*cking tack, and he's 90)
(the topic is a new water tax)
They'll be installing water meters on the stopcocks, or as my grandfather calls them, "slapowps", because he's senile and had a stroke.
My brain goes to some genuinely dark places sometimes
(also just like to point out, my grandfather is neither senile nor did he have a stroke. His mind is actually sharp as a f*cking tack, and he's 90)
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I've just been informed that when we were walking home on the one night the other week that led to the three day hangover and massive leg bruise we ended up being followed by two lads. who watched us pee... (classy, yes, but you try finding an open toilet in york at 4am... >_> )
then the only part i vaguely remember, being me dropping my lipstick and picking it up.
so yeah, apparently one of these lads came up to me and offered me his joint so i took it & ran off with it.
i could barely f*cking stand, failed completely at ordering food
yet 10 minutes down the road, i managed to stand there having a conversation, have a p*ss, pick up my lipstick and run down the street smoking some random blokes joint in my massive shoes?
what the f*ck?
then the only part i vaguely remember, being me dropping my lipstick and picking it up.
so yeah, apparently one of these lads came up to me and offered me his joint so i took it & ran off with it.
i could barely f*cking stand, failed completely at ordering food
yet 10 minutes down the road, i managed to stand there having a conversation, have a p*ss, pick up my lipstick and run down the street smoking some random blokes joint in my massive shoes?
what the f*ck?
Because cake is happiness
the drunk guy trying to chat me up yesterday, here's how the convo went
him: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: No
him: Me neither, so that's one thing we have in common.
Errrrrr think he needs some work on his technique!
him: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: No
him: Me neither, so that's one thing we have in common.
Errrrrr think he needs some work on his technique!
Wife of the lovely Alice 
Marry me?
Dumb Britain (I am still laughing about it 36 hours later, I need help).
Q: In which 1984 film did Sigourney Weaver play a cellist possessed by a portal in her fridge?
A: Was it I'm a cellist possessed by a portal in my fridge?
(Obviously Ghostbusters )
Q: In which 1984 film did Sigourney Weaver play a cellist possessed by a portal in her fridge?
A: Was it I'm a cellist possessed by a portal in my fridge?
(Obviously Ghostbusters
)
Wife of Amy, Sex Goddess
I aim to misbehave
Quote: Maeby, Jul 2014
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Dumb Britain (I am still laughing about it 36 hours later, I need help).
Q: In which 1984 film did Sigourney Weaver play a cellist possessed by a portal in her fridge?
A: Was it I'm a cellist possessed by a portal in my fridge?
(Obviously Ghostbusters
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Marry me?
Quote: Captain Mal Reynolds, Jul 2014
Quote: Maeby, Jul 2014Dumb Britain (I am still laughing about it 36 hours later, I need help).
Q: In which 1984 film did Sigourney Weaver play a cellist possessed by a portal in her fridge?
A: Was it I'm a cellist possessed by a portal in my fridge?
(Obviously Ghostbusters
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Wife of Amy, Sex Goddess
River Phoenix
Last night, Marc was getting ready for work. So he said I'm getting ready. And i thought but didn't say Like Helen.
Maybe i'm turning into my father.
Maybe i'm turning into my father.
*![[http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg]](http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg "http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg")
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River Phoenix
When i spoke to my maternal aunt on the phone a while ago, she said that my cousin's youngest daughter is going to be 12. And my aunt said that my cousin's daughter said that she is glad about being 12 because it's better than 11.
Last Thursday, a surveyor came to measure all the flats here. He remembered that he'd left something at one of the flats upstairs so he went to get it. And he said he was a doughnut. He said he'd take the measurements and then he'd get out of my hair. When he'd finished, he'll said I'll get out of your hair now.
Last Saturday, Marc and i went to the city centre together. And Marc said I've got to go to the post office afore we go. And he told me that he said that because i like old fashioned expressions.
Last Thursday, a surveyor came to measure all the flats here. He remembered that he'd left something at one of the flats upstairs so he went to get it. And he said he was a doughnut. He said he'd take the measurements and then he'd get out of my hair. When he'd finished, he'll said I'll get out of your hair now.
Last Saturday, Marc and i went to the city centre together. And Marc said I've got to go to the post office afore we go. And he told me that he said that because i like old fashioned expressions.
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River Phoenix
Ereyesterday, i saw a man that was wearing a T-shirt. It had a picture of a squirrel and the slogan Stop looking at my nuts. i s'pose i found it funny, in a terrible way.
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River Phoenix
On Monday, Marc and i watched Four Rooms. i watched it for a few minutes and then i had a bath. ![[bath.gif]](https://vegetablerevolution.co.uk/template/vr_green/img/emoticons_extra/bath.gif "bath.gif")
i asked Marc about an item that was on during the first few minutes, i asked if any of the dealers bought it. It was a nut sculpture. Marc couldn't remember it at first. So i used my hands to show how big the sculpture was. i said i can't think of a polite way to say this. i said It looked like a bum. Marc gasped * and then he said that, yes, one of the dealers bought it.
* Perhaps because i've sworn rarely if at all, since 1998. It's either 1998 or 1999. i can't remember.
i asked Marc about an item that was on during the first few minutes, i asked if any of the dealers bought it. It was a nut sculpture. Marc couldn't remember it at first. So i used my hands to show how big the sculpture was. i said i can't think of a polite way to say this. i said It looked like a bum. Marc gasped * and then he said that, yes, one of the dealers bought it.* Perhaps because i've sworn rarely if at all, since 1998. It's either 1998 or 1999. i can't remember.
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Πανδώρα:
Beefy cheesemas to all, and to all a gravy brie
Rayanne Graff:
Happy Easter.
IGH:
Just who was The Brigadier
ratammer:
squeak
Debs|OWA:
o/
IGH:
Wibble
Vel:
*sigh*
Emma:
Hi VR...
Princess Psycho:
Hi I am back in the UK so how are everyone been keeping. Has Fluffy had that little accident yet?
Claire:
SHOUTBOX OF VRRRRRR
Rayanne Graff:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Lucozade Lover:
Happy New Year!
Crinkle-Cut Beatroot:
Happy new year <3
Claire:
BOXSHOUT
Rayanne Graff:
Happy Easter.
Emma:
So… Posting a new thread is Fission Mailing… so I’m putting this here.
Emma:
I know there aren’t many people looking at this anymore… but I have made the decision to stop paying for the VR hosting and to let the domain lapse.
Emma:
I think it will be going offline around the end of May
Emma:
It’s been almost 10 years since James passed away… and I feel like it’s time.
Emma:
A lot of the regulars can be found on the VR veterans group on Facebook - if you see this and you’re not in there, come join us.