Singledom

Hi VR, it's been quite a while since I started a thread and I realise I've been extremely inactive on this site over the past, well, couple of years, I guess and that's in no way related to anybody here, although you are all massive sh*ts, obviously That said, I feel like a bit of a rant/update is in order and although you may not care if you've read this far you'll probably finish now, let's be honest

Some may know I was in a very serious long-term relationship I entered into when I was 18 (my first proper g/f). That ended about 2 months ago and it was about as good a conclusion to a 7 and a half year relationship as one could hope for; basically, as cliched as it sounds, we wanted different things - her living together, marriage and kids (probably in that order) and me, well, not. Not sure exactly why, but that's my problem. She was an amazing girlfriend and the first part of the rant is that why did I not feel like I wanted the next logical step with someone I cared so much for? It bothers me. Secondly, why do I not regret the decision massively, like I half-hoped I would? What the feck is wrong with me? I'm nothing special and had a fit as f*ck girlfriend who adored me, understood me and I'm now alone because I decided I didn't want all the normal stuff people do want with people they care about as much as I did. It also feels worse than anything I could imagine to have destroyed someone who I cared about so much, even if I feel I did it for all the right reasons.

Anyway, those demons will probably come to a head at some point and I'll probably just explode or something but the other part of my rant is about being single, something I've not experienced since before I was technically an adult! I shouldn't moan about it because I've chosen the road myself and now I must walk it, or rather, awkwardly amble up it, probably embarrassing myself at every junction. There's another girl...I must stress she only came into light post-relationship but there is, undeniably another girl. She's another quite ridiculously hot one too, who I have great chemistry with and erm, stuff. It's coming to a head but I don't know if I want it as I feel horrible moving on knowing my ex is still hurting so bad. I realise that I am coming across as a tw*t here "yeah, I had a great girlfriend who I dumped and I'm moaning about it and now I have another attractive girl on the cards and I'm moaning about that too", but my life as always been so simple and stress free and I always ignored things and now my life feels like a somewhat subdued episode of Skins. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I'm out, not sure what, if anything I want in in response to this but hey, good to be back properly and hope I can catch up with some of you lot online a bit more and maybe even meet up at a meet or something, be nice to meet some of you ugly lot in person, so keep me posted about meets!

i don't have any advice either.

But welcome back anyroad, mofo. Even though you never went anywhere.

I'm now going to use this thread to give you irregular updates on my single life, which may prove comical due to my innate inability to be charming, cool or any of the other qualities that seem necessary to impress or woo the opposite sex.
As I said in my last post, the "date" with new girl had to be sort of cancelled but went out on our lunch break together on Friday for a pub lunch and topped ourselves up on last break with a quick drink too. Getting along massively well. I'm more comfortable with her than most girls as the basis of our bond seems to be our ability to rip the sh*t out of each other without taking offence (largely because we know we don't mean it).
Going out with her after work one day this week which i'm looking forward to, I just worry about starting something new at this stage, I mean, from her perspective it must be pretty intimidating too; if I was getting along really well with someone who had just got out of a 7.5 year relationship with their only real girlfriend i'd be a bit daunted myself. I've already accidentally called her Sarah once but luckily she was too drunk to remember. Really can't do that again.

Think I've sh*tted it up with new girl due to my inability to not drink and text.

However, a 19 year-old girl at work has asked me to the cinema Saturday and I sort of accidentally said yes. She's very nice and very attractive but she's 19...Seems wrong in a weird sort of way but it's only a trip to the cinema, I'll cross any certain bridges when and if I come to them...

This. Take the initiative and ask her out on a second 'date'. if/when the opportunity presents itself, be confident and make your intentions clear.
I mean, what was she wearing to be that cold in a cinema? Assuming the girl was dressed for the occasion and isn't suffering from poor circulation, both that and holding your arm around town, seems like a green light to me mate. I mean, the arm thing is almost a subconscious 'this one's mine'. It's definitely nowhere near as vague as the signs of interest a lot of women will give you to work with.

Go for it!

I'm pretty good at surpressing.

It sounds like she is well into you insisting on a cuddle in cinema! When I go to the cinema on not-a-date I'm terrified that the guy will try to put his arm around me, I don't know what I'd do. Definitely not a friend thing in my opinion.

Quote: Claire, Dec 2009

Quote: Kid A, Dec 2009

Quote: Claire, Dec 2009

It is stupid women's fault, George. Blame women, it will make you feel better, and is also more truthful. My impression of you is as a bloke who would look after a lass and who would make her laugh and feel special and I'm sure most here, if not all, would agree.

I'd disagree with you for various reasons but I don't want to hijack Alex's thread

Sod it, VR is dying, post where you like. Alexatron is probably off somewhere with his hareem, he won't mind. I guess I just think you need to believe in yourself more, man. There are so many sh*te men in the world who treat everyone like crap and don't think about anyone but themselves. You are better than them, you need to know that.

Hijack away! And George, I would agree with Claire based on what I know of you and the little everyone else says.

Out of interest, for peeps like Tom, George and me, what is it about getting people of the opposite (or same!) sex to be interested? If you're not highly sexy what's everyone's methods?

I think this should be turned into a general single thread where people can report on their quests for love/sex and the rest of VR can give advice where appropiate *nods*

weellll, i know my problem is confidence

generally i don't have any whatsoever and i take too long to feel comfortable around people & come out of my shell

i mean... i locked myself in a toilet for 10 minutes the last time i went out >_>

i came out because i realised i was being an idiot, but yeah

At any one time I have at least five girls after me.

Ever noticed how you treat people different based on how attractive they are.

For example, if an attractive person you don't know smiles at you on the street you think 'aww, they're nice' but if they aren't attractive you just think they are weird.

Quote: Valerie Holliday, Dec 2009

I've been told (because everyone has their input these days) that the best time to meet someone is actually a few months after you've finished and you can't be arsed to try anymore so you're more yourself than any other time. Who agrees with this?

I can attest to the truthiness of that statement.


Quote: Valerie Holliday, Dec 2009

Also, from a conversation I had with James today, does it make a difference whether you're the dumper or dumpee on how easy you find it to get back into the swing of dating/rebounding?

Took me less time as the dumper to get back into the swing of things. Though it didn't work out well, maybe it only appears to take less time when you are the dumper, when in actual fact you ain't ready for the same length of time.